The Truth

Well, this last month has been very busy and good. I have been working, hanging with the family, winning a $1000 from my company and was GIVEN tickets to a concert. It is amazing. Just that simple. AMAZING!!

In this last month I also had a light bulb go off. I am not fat anymore. I am actually a skinny type of chick. I do have some lumps and curves and rolls from losing so much weight and having 5 kiddos. And I am beginning to love the some of those lumps and curves. It is not such a bad thing. After almost four years post surgery I am beginning to really like myself.

This is the picture that turned that light buld on.

   

That is me in the middle, my daughter on the left and my yoga instructor/friend on the right. I am the oldest in this pic and look pretty good for almost 43. 

Looking in the mirror is not easy yet and I still have a mental imagine at times of a person who is 100 pounds larger than what I am. It is a circle thought process for me. I know that when I go shopping not to head to the plus size and I can get either a small or medium in pants and shirts but it doesn't always click when I looking in the mirror. 

It isn't as bad as it once was. I can look more often in the mirror and know that I a beautiful, intelligent, amazing and gifted woman. Then, something will happen or I will have a bad day and my mind flips the negative switch. That switch turns on the voices and lighted mirror in my head that says I am worthless, fat and unloved.

I call crap on that one more and more often. I am able to call crap on it more often due to lots of growing and trusting myself. Yes, trusting myself. I haven't really trusted myself for a very long time. It is weird to say that but it is true. I love trusting myself. 

I trust myself for so many things. What to make for dinner, how to run my business, how to raise my kiddos, how to love my husband, how to be a friend, daughter and sister. 

As I am trusting myself, I am rebuilding boundaries, relationships and love for what I do. How freaking amazing is that? I think is the most wonderful in the world. Trusting in yourself is the first step to succeeding in whatever you want to do. 

What do you need to trust yourself in to succeed?

Success

SUCCESS

Everyone has their own vision, definition, idea of success. For most people it is winning, achieving a bigger paycheck, graduating from some sort of school, getting married and starting a family. All huge wonderful, life changing events. 

What of the little things? For instance, getting to work on time, not eating a doughnut when you really want to, going for a walk, trying a new food or buying that dress? Have you thought about celebrating the little things like you do the big things? 

As a business owner we are programmed to celebrate the huge successes. But what would happen if we celebrated the small things? Saying hi to a a total stranger, making contact with someone who scares you, deciding to try a new approach. Those are small things. Those small things are the things that NEED to be celebrated in some type of way. Whether is a meal, sharing that feat with someone by telling them, or just going to get a cup of coffee celebrate it!

You see, when you celebrate the small goals you set yourself up for further success. You recognize the fact that the big goals require small goals to become a HUGE success. Small brush strokes to a larger picture, small pieces of the puzzle coming together is worth celebrating. Without these small steps would you make it to the bigger goal? I don't think so.

It is perfectly alright to give yourself permission to celebrate you as you work through the small steps. You are worth the celebration of every small breakthrough, small steps taken, and goals met.

What will you be celebrating this week?

Family Time

 

Today was epic! No other way to explain how completely awesome today was. It started off with me off to work at 4 am. Then it was to a track meet for these three boys that I missed by about 15 minutes. So we had lunch and then Turner Falls we went.

Turner Falls is completely relaxing and gorgeous. Even with all the people around it was relaxing. The water was flipping cold but refreshing. Laughs were had and smiles the whole time. 

That was what made today good. Today was needed after a week of work, stress and fighting. It was not all sunshine and butterflies around here. 

Today brought us back together a family and reminded us of the joy we have with each other. today was a day to let things go and begin anew. Today was total fun and play. Today will never come again but the smiles will remain in our memories for an entirety. That is what today needs to be about. Not just today, but tomorrow and the day after. Don't let the days go by without smiling and laughing with those that you love. Life is to short for that.

Family Affirmation--A Work In Progress

This is our family affirmation wall.

It brings a smile to my face. I love it and it brings me hope. I believe in affirmations of any type. I do because affirmations are positive and can create change in yourself, the world and your situation. I have seen it happen on a regular basis. 

Then I look at my family. We love each other and support each other but are not always nice to each other. Just not on a regular basis. I am going to change that fact. My truth is that I am a great mom, I am a great wife and my family is a great family. 

It just doesn't happen over night. Or even in a short amount of time. It can take months or years. I just know that as long as we are moving forward, I as I know that I am growing, we are doing it right. I have to remember that as we grow and change certain things will become more evident. I need to be patient. I need to love the moment I am in and let my family be.

It is difficult to let them be, but I must. In order, for my family to grow into separate, unique people I need to let them be. So, when it becomes crazy around her I will choose to stop, breathe and read my family affirmation wall. In the end, all will work out perfect for each of my kiddos and husband. I choose to be content and love where they are. 

That also makes my heart smile.

Hello!!

Hello!! Hello!! Is there anyone out there? :) I am dusting off the cobwebs once again and going back to writing. I have a few good things to say and decided to share with the world. But first let me ask you a question.... What would you like to hear from me? I know what I want to say but if you have a subject, idea or totally cool give away idea let me know. I am open to almost anything.

Back At It

So this is me after my 2 mile run today. I am happily sucking drinking my Nutriemeal/Fruit Smoothie. It was a cool but humid morning today.I have not been running on a regular basis since the winter set in and I completed my first 5K last fall. It felt good and I was not in as bad shape as I thought I would be.

Have you stopped doing something for yourself that made your days more productive? I will be the first to answer yes to that. I had put off my needs to take care of the family and my job. Note I did not say my business but my job. I loved my job but I was missing something for me and allowing it to become a higher priority over family and business.

I was getting cranky and taking to many things to personally. When before I was almost an even keel type of person, I had become the type of person who wanted to cry all the time and my feelings where being hurt to often. I needed to get back to my why of I started my business and working on myself.

It is alright to realize that you slipped back into some old habits. Especially if you get back into making yourself a better person without the guilt. Guilt will hinder you in the long haul. Shake it off and move on. If I can, then anyone can. I have done it many times and each time I come out a stronger person.

To achieve the greatest success, you have to embrace the prospect of failure.

Pauline Estrem - See more at: http://www.success.com/article/why-failure-is-good-for-success#sthash.2ltmD9aW.dpuf

  “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” - Thomas Edison

To achieve the greatest success, you have to embrace the prospect of failure.

Pauline Estrem - See more at: http://www.success.com/article/why-failure-is-good-for-success#sthash.2ltmD9aW.dpuf

    

To achieve the greatest success, you have to embrace the prospect of failure.

Pauline Estrem - See more at: http://www.success.com/article/why-failure-is-good-for-success#sthash.2ltmD9aW.dpuf

Done Something New?

Have you ever said you would never do something? I have and ate those words this weekend. I wore white pants this weekend for the first time in my life. And it was completely freeing! I enjoyed my day without worry of sticky hands or spilling for or liquid on them. I am still in awe of myself for doing it and not stressing out I was going to ruin a pair of pants.

How can a pair of pants be so freeing, you ask. And I answer: It is not the pants, but the resolve to do something without fear of what could happen. I put those pants on this weekend and did not think of the negative possibilities of what I might do or what someone might do. TOTALLY AWESOME!!! 

As I came to realize that I could wear these pants, I wondered why I could not come to the same thought process in my personal and business life. What I do is perfect for me. I am here to please my God and my husband. How I approach business is how I do it, not how someone wants me to. I can be given the tools and coached in words or phrases to say. It still comes down to how I approach and act towards people and situations.

I am here to succeed for my family and myself, not my mentor, boss, friends, or family. Just my family and myself. That is a very liberating thought process.

Please let me know how you can liberate yourself and what are your reasons for it. I would love to hear from you.

Photo courtesy of: http://www.inofashion.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Maiyet-in-white-pants-and-blazer.jpg

And here I am today.

 

I am down over a 100 pounds and loving life. At the last posting I did not eat a large selection of food and I was still coming to terms with the life changes of my surgery. Well, I have adjusted very well to my new life and body. It is still weird to look in the mirror and see the new me. 

I think I will always be in wonder at how skinny and different I look now. I love it and feel wonderful. It is still just weird. I have run a 5K, bought clothes that are 8 or 10 sizes smaller, gone on longer motorcycle rides, enjoyed life and started a business.

All it took was a boost of courage and the desire to change who I am and how I see myself. I still struggle daily to see the smaller me and not be freaked out that I may go back to the bigger me.

I am taking control of my life and living it the way I was designed to live it. And that means moving to a new state, living out in the country and a much smaller town. I am joyful and very content with where I am but deep down I am desiring so much more than what I have now.

I plan on chronologically my journey to find the more I am desiring. All I know is that we are to look for the most in life and I plan on doing that.

So this here is me about 16 months again.

And the most handsome man in the world, my husband. I was about 240 pounds. Not my highest but I don't think I have any pictures of me then. This is a good reference point of where I started from though. Later I will post a current picture after my 6 month post op.

I am starting to feel better about myself and my eating. Exercise is hard but doable in any form or fashion. I look for anything that gets me moving. I am working in the yard and playing with the kids. That is about it for me.

I am also enjoying more foods. I enjoy things that taste good. I know it was a good idea to start eating the baritiric way before surgery, now it is not so hard. Still trying new things with my family and 90% of the time it is accepted with joy, the other 10% is considered an epic fail.

My emotions are getting under control. I am still talking with someone periodically, and not letting food come to mind when I am stressed. It is not as easy as it sounds, it is still a struggle. But I am not eating 5 or 6 candy bars to calm myself. I found sugar free coffee syrup at the grocery store and make my own lattes now. It has changed how I view the world and the mornings again. It is worth getting up to have that.

I made it through the Christmas Holiday without falling to my temptations, to much. I must admit I have had a cookie and one piece of chocolate. It made the stomach queasy but nothing major, just enough to cause me to never do something like that again. I made lasagna for the fam and a veggie lasagna for me. I am not making that recipe again. It was good, just not to my liking. I tolerated it but it was not tasty to me.

I started counseling last week. It will be good. It is nice to hear from someone who is not only a professional but a been there, doing it kinda person tell me I am not crazy and the adjustment period does not last forever. I was also given the task of thinking up three things that I can do now that I could not do with all the weight on. I have actually come up with about 5 things. They are cross my legs, walk up three flights of stairs, sleep through the night with no snoring, not eat my way through emotions, and play for more than 10 minutes with the boys outside. All of that happened in the last 8 weeks.

I learned about the not eating through emotions last weekend when my grandmother passed away. She was 93 years old and a wonderful lady. I cried and talked to The Man, my husband, and took care of my kiddos.  I also was able to be there with my Daddy and not want to eat through the hard parts. That is huge. I never thought I would be able to accomplish something like that.

I am down a total of 63 pounds since I started this journey. I have a few more to go but I am feeling the benefits emotionally and physically.

Me 1 year ago.

Well, after not having any weight loss for almost a week I finally stepped on the scale and saw a smaller number. I was thrilled, but not so thrilled at the fact that finding clothes for not to many $$$ is difficult. So, I hit up my daughter, and she had ONE pair of pants that fit me and is a little to big for her. SCORE for Mom. LOL It was a good feeling to be in an even smaller size. Yet, at the same time I don't see myself as being this small. In my mind I do see the reality, but the heart is not seeing or feeling it.

I am having a hard time not seeing myself as a regular, normal sized person. I feel the health effects, as in no more high blood pressure medicine, able to walk up three flights of stairs, no CPAP at night, no snoring (even with a stuffy noise) and the ability to play with my kids. My appearance is a different subject. I still see the big, chubby girl. I am trying so hard to see myself the way my man does (who calls me sexy now) and as others see me (as disappearing).

Why is it so hard to see myself as I truly am? My body and mind have gone through so many changes and so have my emotions. I don't know how to feel about to much. I have my joy that can only come from God, yet at the same time as I change and relearn what food is for, I am not showing it in the same manner.

I was asked the other day when I was going to get my spunk back. I thought I had it back. I have to be honest that I am not showing the same emotions the same way and I don't feel the need to be all out there to prove I am happy and content.

So, there I am about two months out from my surgery, no buyer's remorse, no sense of loss, no regret  only unsure of what to feel or how to see myself. Maybe one day I will know how those two things are supposed to merge in my life.......

Hello

Hello World,

   I am Reasa. I am also on a journey of weight loss. I am a 39 year old female with 5 kids who has been married for almost 20 years. Yep, I have know my wonderful husband for over half of my life. It is a subject I try to stay away from.
   I started my weight loss journey a few years ago. My highest weight was a tad over 250. I didn't have a scale in my home at the time so I am just guessing. It could have been more or less but I am leaning towards more. Two years ago, after many attempts at the traditional plan of exercise and diet, I saw a doctor about weight loss surgery. It didn't feel right at the time so I went back to being a gym rat and dieting. I loved every minute in the gym but was not seeing the results I should have been.
   Then about six months into exercise I was having stroke like symptoms and my blood pressure was triple digits over triple digits. Not good. I also was limping along and  using a cane for a few months and no answers as to why. 
    So I went to another doctor about weight loss surgery and fell in love with his staff and point blank attitude. I started the process of getting the insurance to approve my surgery and meet the medical clearances I needed. At that time in Feb 2012 I was weighing in at 228. Now, mind you as you think that that is not to bad, you were not big at all, you must know I am 5 foot 4 inches. I may not have looked as big as I was, but I could feel it in my bones, attitude and health.
     It was not an easy decision. And it is not an easy process. My mind is not mine, I am the same but don't feel like it and my body is changing so quickly I do not know what to think of it. So I am going to write it down here and share my story, along with some recipes I enjoy that are bariatric friendly. And let me tell you  some are yummy and some not so yummy. 
   So, welcome to my life and craziness. It is mine and I enjoy most of it. I hope you stay around and enjoy.


     Reasa