Family Time

 

Today was epic! No other way to explain how completely awesome today was. It started off with me off to work at 4 am. Then it was to a track meet for these three boys that I missed by about 15 minutes. So we had lunch and then Turner Falls we went.

Turner Falls is completely relaxing and gorgeous. Even with all the people around it was relaxing. The water was flipping cold but refreshing. Laughs were had and smiles the whole time. 

That was what made today good. Today was needed after a week of work, stress and fighting. It was not all sunshine and butterflies around here. 

Today brought us back together a family and reminded us of the joy we have with each other. today was a day to let things go and begin anew. Today was total fun and play. Today will never come again but the smiles will remain in our memories for an entirety. That is what today needs to be about. Not just today, but tomorrow and the day after. Don't let the days go by without smiling and laughing with those that you love. Life is to short for that.

Family Affirmation--A Work In Progress

This is our family affirmation wall.

It brings a smile to my face. I love it and it brings me hope. I believe in affirmations of any type. I do because affirmations are positive and can create change in yourself, the world and your situation. I have seen it happen on a regular basis. 

Then I look at my family. We love each other and support each other but are not always nice to each other. Just not on a regular basis. I am going to change that fact. My truth is that I am a great mom, I am a great wife and my family is a great family. 

It just doesn't happen over night. Or even in a short amount of time. It can take months or years. I just know that as long as we are moving forward, I as I know that I am growing, we are doing it right. I have to remember that as we grow and change certain things will become more evident. I need to be patient. I need to love the moment I am in and let my family be.

It is difficult to let them be, but I must. In order, for my family to grow into separate, unique people I need to let them be. So, when it becomes crazy around her I will choose to stop, breathe and read my family affirmation wall. In the end, all will work out perfect for each of my kiddos and husband. I choose to be content and love where they are. 

That also makes my heart smile.

I made it through the Christmas Holiday without falling to my temptations, to much. I must admit I have had a cookie and one piece of chocolate. It made the stomach queasy but nothing major, just enough to cause me to never do something like that again. I made lasagna for the fam and a veggie lasagna for me. I am not making that recipe again. It was good, just not to my liking. I tolerated it but it was not tasty to me.

I started counseling last week. It will be good. It is nice to hear from someone who is not only a professional but a been there, doing it kinda person tell me I am not crazy and the adjustment period does not last forever. I was also given the task of thinking up three things that I can do now that I could not do with all the weight on. I have actually come up with about 5 things. They are cross my legs, walk up three flights of stairs, sleep through the night with no snoring, not eat my way through emotions, and play for more than 10 minutes with the boys outside. All of that happened in the last 8 weeks.

I learned about the not eating through emotions last weekend when my grandmother passed away. She was 93 years old and a wonderful lady. I cried and talked to The Man, my husband, and took care of my kiddos.  I also was able to be there with my Daddy and not want to eat through the hard parts. That is huge. I never thought I would be able to accomplish something like that.

I am down a total of 63 pounds since I started this journey. I have a few more to go but I am feeling the benefits emotionally and physically.

Me 1 year ago.

Well, after not having any weight loss for almost a week I finally stepped on the scale and saw a smaller number. I was thrilled, but not so thrilled at the fact that finding clothes for not to many $$$ is difficult. So, I hit up my daughter, and she had ONE pair of pants that fit me and is a little to big for her. SCORE for Mom. LOL It was a good feeling to be in an even smaller size. Yet, at the same time I don't see myself as being this small. In my mind I do see the reality, but the heart is not seeing or feeling it.

I am having a hard time not seeing myself as a regular, normal sized person. I feel the health effects, as in no more high blood pressure medicine, able to walk up three flights of stairs, no CPAP at night, no snoring (even with a stuffy noise) and the ability to play with my kids. My appearance is a different subject. I still see the big, chubby girl. I am trying so hard to see myself the way my man does (who calls me sexy now) and as others see me (as disappearing).

Why is it so hard to see myself as I truly am? My body and mind have gone through so many changes and so have my emotions. I don't know how to feel about to much. I have my joy that can only come from God, yet at the same time as I change and relearn what food is for, I am not showing it in the same manner.

I was asked the other day when I was going to get my spunk back. I thought I had it back. I have to be honest that I am not showing the same emotions the same way and I don't feel the need to be all out there to prove I am happy and content.

So, there I am about two months out from my surgery, no buyer's remorse, no sense of loss, no regret  only unsure of what to feel or how to see myself. Maybe one day I will know how those two things are supposed to merge in my life.......